COMPARISON.

Since I conked my head two months back, I have felt lost. Thoughts used to come and go no different than a raindrop, and I had become quite proficient at setting out my palm and capturing them —

which is something younger Bryce would not even attempt to dream of.

I was hoping to find something in the mountains of Idaho that I had lost on the beach in Charleston,

yet what I desired was of far less than what has been found.

For the entirety of my life, I have struggled with COMPARISON;

Comparing my work to that of others,

Comparing my talents, my skills,

Comparing my looks, my stature,

My height, my weight.

The color of my eyes; more blue, or more green.

I have compared my clothes,

And my hats, and the line of my beard,

And the size of my forehead,

and the height of my trucks tires,

And my truck, and the camper that sits on her,

And her suspension; thankfully here I have the best.

And I have compared my story; the trauma, the loss, the death

to that of others —

but on this final subject, I have found that there exists —

NO COMPARISON.

You and me,

dealt a visceral hand.

For me ?

a longing for things that will not fulfill, a father with terminal cancer, and a brother dead.

For you ?

A simple question will reveal more than one could imagine.

I am starting to see the world more clearly — perhaps more in line with the view of the Lord.

Yahweh commands contentment, compassion, forgiveness, and understanding —

And I demand to know why.

So He entertains.

The more I venture uncomfortably into deep conversations with those around me, the more obvious His reasoning becomes;

How can I lack empathy when I see the conditions and struggles each of us have faced?

And how can I not forgive when I see that most actions of myself and others are simple responses lacking further motive?

And understanding may be the greatest gift of them all, for the Lord has provided you and I with a tongue that forms words and a mind that recalls.

So if I would like to further understand the vanity in comparison, and simultaneously deepen my understand of the values of my Father, all I must do is ask YOU,

“what is your story?”

Comparison is a most viscous tool in the arsenal of the enemy —

as he seeks to steal, kill, and destroy.

Prodding and snickering, he lays in wait; in the deepest recesses of our minds, and he asks both you and I,

“Boy, don’t they have it better?”

An entity whose only purpose is to satiate a desire for chaos, destruction, and misery.

Maybe he asks you something similar when you see where I’ve been or what I’m up to,

but know he asks me so as I lay on the floor of Kai’s house with a —

four month old kitten, with black fur and brown stripes,

who, consisting of pure innocence,

wraps herself around my palm and attempts to chase my fingers.

Here I have found contentment in the Lord.

here i exist in the moment.

I wish to ask myself why this state can not be made permanent, but the answer is evident;

lest we forget the eternal struggle between Good and evil.

There are forces attempting to control this world that we are incapable of coming to comprehend, and perhaps my best hope in combating them is not attempting to “rid” myself of something that is NOT me, but rather coming to understand that something is attempting to play me as a pawn in this existential game.

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