A Trip.

When I turn 22 in June, I’ll have 43 states and somewhere around 12 or 13 countries behind these eyes.

That’s a lot of . . ?

15 or some odd years ago, I was sitting in the third row, drivers side, of my family’s Chrysler Town & Country.

I was never very good at raising my voice, I suppose a cyclical series of events went as follows: my environment was loud, I was overshadowed by the noise, I became more quiet, my environment remained loud, so on.

This winter morning, that metallic green van was so stuffy I genuinely could not breathe, I began gasping for air.

Note first how I avoided voicing my situation at any point prior to complete discomfort.

Now, unable to breath, I said over and over, “please open my window.” But there was noise; sisters and brother and parents all having their independent conversations.

I continued to beg. Seconds upon seconds felt like hour after hour. Staring ahead, leaning over the second row seats. Seatbelt became tight as it does when quickly jerked.

At some point during my struggles I made eye contact with my mom in the rearview mirror; a second at most.

She cracked my window and I shoved my nose outside.

And I think that defining moment is why I am here.

I crave attention; it’s why I travel, why I write, why I post. It’s why my name is etched on the side of my truck, it’s why I became quick witted, it’s why I grew my hair or why I dress as I do.

And let’s be real; if I wasn’t somewhat “attractive” in appearance I’d likely be considered a weirdo, an outcast.

As my siblings and I grew older, I definitely began to grow a voice. And for a little while, I was seeking attention (bad) through acceptance (worse) with less than stellar people (terrible).

But one evening a year ago in the mountains of Tennessee there was a shift.

No longer was I running from past deeds or traumas, instead I was now sharing the good such adventures had brought me.

And unknowingly,

I have come to roll into the path Christ Jesus has laid out as God continues to use a most unfortunate desire within a most flawed man to advance His Kingdom.